Tag Archives | stove

“I Said, Throw Me In The Fire Now, Come On”

I come in from a cold walk with the dogs and put water on the stove to make some tea. I’m listening to the Tallest Man on Earth song “Pistol Dreams”. I’m glued to the song. I pull up the lyrics and listen again. And then I pull up Molly Robison’s version on YouTube and listen to that.

Something feels wrong, but I ignore it. I’m somewhat mesmerized by this song.

I’m reading the lyrics as Molly sings it.

“So deep into the orchard, you will stumble on the skin of snakes. So let me know your nerves, we’ll lose the road. And I will boil the curtains to extract the drugs of springtime, but the unicorn it stirs up as a mule.”

What is he talking about?

Something really feels terribly wrong.

I look up and there’s a flickering orange and yellow glow coming from the kitchen.

I run to the stove. My tea pot is on fire. Bad. Oh shit. Big fire.

I turn the burner off.

“Wait… you can’t throw water on the stove … or can you? That’s just for a grease fire.”

I fill a pan with water and throw it on the fire. Smoke fills the air and the fire half goes out. But it half doesn’t go out.

I grab the burning teapot with an oven mitt and move it to the counter onto a dirty plate. The teapot is still burning a little. The burner is quite a bit still on fire.

I fill two more pans with water and put the fires all the way out.

The stench of smoke and burning plastic fills the house.

Man, the ancient white curtains in our kitchen could’ve easily caught fire and then … oh man oh man.  Wow, it would’ve been embarrassing to let the firefighters see our house in the state that it is in!

Thank God I caught it on time.

Moral of the story:

Kids, don’t fill the electric kettle with water and put it on a lit burner on the gas stove to make your tea. That’s not how those things work!

After fighting the fire for what seemed like 15 minutes (it was probably more like 2 minutes), I returned to the super-smokey dining room. And shining through the smoke, there was the glow of Molly Robison‘s face and guitar coming out of my computer screen and she was *still* singing “I Said, Throw Me In The Fire Now, Come On!” Surreal.


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