It is nothing. It is everything. It is Zabada.

On the eve of Super Tuesday, if you are taking a Democratic ticket tomorrow and are considering voting for Hillary, please review Lawrence Lessig’s video “20 minutes or so on why I am 4Barack”

I really found his exposure of Hillary’s “Rovean” tactics to be disturbing. Now, I don’t hate Hillary Clinton, and in fact I may even like her a little better today than I did a few months ago. But I am 100% behind Barack!

The last third of the video talks about Barack’s potential to “inspire towards peace”, and I couldn’t agree more.

Watch the video:

I was at Trader Joe’s today and was looking to pick up some orange juice. I didn’t want “no pulp” and I didn’t want “extra pulp”. I just wanted a regular amount of pulp, like we used to get in the old days when we didn’t worry about pulp. Well, all they had was lots of varieties of “extra pulp” and lots of varieties of “no pulp”. But there was no “regular pulp” or “some pulp”!

When did marketers decide that we were so pulp obsessed? I’m with Tony Soprano. In one episode, he complained to Carm that he likes his orange juice with some pulp.

Tony: (looks at orange juice) This says “with pulp.”
Carmela: You like it with pulp.
Tony: Not this much. I like the one that says “some pulp.”
(Carmela throws phone at him)
from The Sopranos Season Three

Erik Sink’s company SourceGear (Champaign IL represent! (I graduated from UIUC in ‘96) ) recently upheld their end of the bargain in sending me one of the great “Your Code is Suboptimal” T-Shirts. I was slow in responding with proper payment (this posting).

So here it is!

Now, by me saying that your code is suboptimal, I am not necessarily saying that my code is 100% optimal, it’s just probably a hair more optimal than yours

This post was sponsored by:

Eric Sink’s great book, the Business of Software!

photo by cjohnson7

Man, it is cold right now in Chicago. It seems weathermen and weatherwomen get really excited when talking about extremes. In the winter, they talk about the wind chill to make it seem even colder. In the summer they talk about the heat index and the humidity to make it seem even hotter.

But why don’t they ever factor in the wind chill in the summer? For example, “It’s currently 95 degrees at O’Hare but with the nice summer breeze, it feels like 86″.

I think they don’t do that, because then there’s less drama of the extreme temps.

The end!

Hi, this is Billy Mays for Zabada the Album, now available on vinyl!

This posting is a joke. There is no Zabada on vinyl and Billy Mays is not my pitchman. I just needed an excuse to work Billy Mays into this blog and shamelessly get you you go listen to the song Zabada!

Happy New Year!

I put an old Mac to work over the break … hadn’t seen Mac OS 9 in a LONG time.

We had an awkward but friendly “hello” and quickly caught up on old times for 2 or 3 minutes. But then we said goodbye. I doubt we’ll ever see each other again.

Now this old G4 is happily running Ubuntu Linux and performing some mundane tasks for me.

Followup: I needed JDK 5 or 6 on this machine and it took me a while to get it going. For the fellow geeks, here’s how I got it: Java 5 SDK running on an old G4 PPC Mac

There’s a “Toys for Tots” bin in the entryway of our office building, see:

Well, I bought a nice set of Lincoln Logs and showed up at the box one morning. Then I looked around to see who was there to complete the transaction. All I saw was a security worker so I went over and asked her, “I’ve brought a toy, where do I go to enjoy my delicious freshly fried tator tots?”.

She laughed and replied, “Sir, I think you misunderstand”.

That’s when the thought occurred to me, my biggest fear may be true. We just get a box of frozen Ore-ida Tots instead of freshly fried hot tots!

But then she said, “You don’t get tots for your toys … your toys are for giving to tots. And the tots I refer to are not the delicious fried potato cylinders. The tots in “Toys for Tots” refers to the needy children who might not get any toys for Christmas if not for your donation.”

I felt sick to my stomach as it occurred to me that we don’t get any tots at all.

“Oh” I said.

I went upstairs to my office and built a nice hanging file folder holder system out of my Lincoln Logs. Then I built a new pen holder. Then I had a lot of pieces left that I didn’t know what to do with.

Thursday night and all through Friday I had a wicked case of the flu. I am mostly better now, still have low energy, but MUCH better. Here are a few thoughts and observations about being sick:

1. Man, when you’re having the chills, and the aches, and the fever, and the nausea, and you have to get up several times during the night to take care of some unpleasant business … it really makes you realize how great it is to be healthy. When it’s all over, there is nothing like taking a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds, feeling your blood circulate, and exhaling, thinking, “man, am I glad I am healthy and don’t feel like I did that night I had the flu/food poisoning/whatever ailment.”
2. It was funny, Thursday afternoon at work, walking back from the coffee room with Mark, he was talking about how ill he was and how he was going home. I said, “Man, I haven’t been sick in the LONGEST time … knock on wood” at which point I foolishly knocked on an office door that we happened to be passing and I quickly apologied to the office dweller and retracted the knock. I guess that negated my “knock on wood” and thus, I got sick.
3. When you’re sick, once you feel well enough to watch TV (but not to do anything else) there is a real guilty pleasure of watching “Breaking News” unfold on CNN/MSNBC/Fox News. I watched the last three hours of the Clinton hostage situation unfold, switching between networks and comparing the coverages and their various spins on it … just what I needed on a sick day!
4. Also, watching ANY tolerable movie is a real joy, it’s an escape from the misery. When you can’t do anything better, you have a lot more patience to watch any half-entertaining movie, because, what else are you going to do?
5. Have you ever had mushrooms come out of your nose? I have. (They came from a deep-dish Lou Malnatti’s pizza, dinner Thursday night, BIG MISTAKE)
6. When I was on the couch at my most miserable, I thought about taking a photo of myself for a blog post like this using my Mac which was sitting one foot away from me, but I honestly didn’t have the energy to do so. I wish I had that photo now.
7. When it’s all over, there is nothing like taking a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds, feeling your blood circulate, and exhaling, thinking, “man, am I glad I am healthy and don’t feel like I did that night I had the flu/food poisoning/whatever ailment.” (repeated on purpose)

Here’s to not being sick!

Nephew Jim and I wrote and recorded the beginning of a new original song this weekend called “Devil Dolphin”. Jim wrote most of the music and played all of the guitar.

Last night I made a whacky video for it:

This morning in the shower, I came up with some potential silly lyrics for it … what do you think, Jim?

VERSE 1

This is the story
The story of a man
The story of a man called “Devil Dolphin”

This is the story
The story of a man
The story of a man named “Devil Dolphin”

This is the story
The story of a man
The story of a man called “Devil Dolphin”

This is the story
The story of a man
The story of a man named “Devil Dolphin”

(first dolphin noise breakdown)

VERSE 2

There is no story
Story of the man
Story of the man called “Devil Dolphin”

‘Cause he’s not a man
He’s not a man
He’s not a man,
he is a dolphin.

He puts red horns
Horns on his head
So we call him:
“Devil Dolphin”

But he’s not the devil
He’s not the devil
He’s not the devil,
he’s JUST A dolphin.

But he’s not the devil
He’s not the devil
He’s not the devil,
he’s JUST A dolphin.

(second dolphin noise breakdown)

VERSE 3

He’s not a man
He’s not a man
But if he was,
he would be golfin’

But he’s not a man,
He’s not a man,
He’s not a man,
he is a dolphin

He loves eating fish
He really likes fish
No one likes fish like “Devil Dolphin”

He also likes toast
Jelly and toast
Toast is a favorite of Devil Dolphin

But when he eats toast
It always gets wet, so
Fish is the main meal for Devil Dolphin

This is the story
The story of a man
The story of a man called “Devil Dolphin”

Jim and I are working on a band name, then he’ll design the logo, then we’ll be ready to rock the world, then we’ll be able to buy lots of bling. Then we’ll be invited to sing in some charity supergroup song like “We are the World”. Then we’ll be able to save the world like Bono. But first we need a band name.

Come on, lady! Do you have to pay with a check? It’s 2007. Get a debit card! Withdraw some cash from an ATM (there’s always one within 50 feet of you in 2007). And do you have to write sooooo slow, dot every “i”, cross every “t”, and balance your checkbook as you do this. And this is Starbucks! The $4.28 check that you are writing is holding up 10 people behind you who need their espresso fix!