Hello, friends. My name is Rob Lambert and I live in Chicago, Edison Park specifically. Writing a bio is weird, so I am not going to do that yet, even though a short bio is supposed to go in this space :)
I haven’t published a song in a while (although I’ve been writing a bazillion), so here’s some filler to fill the void!
Yesterday Mary bought what every household needs….a vibraslap…and this is my response :
LYRICS:
This is an ode to the vibraslap.
As fun to play with as bubble wrap.
It’s more refreshing than taking a crap.
I keep mine on a shoulder strap,
And this is the sound of the vibraslap: ……
Get the exact one we have! http://amzn.to/dG1Usu
“The Daily Planet” from Love’s highly acclaimed but kind of under-heard
album Forever Changes. You should get this record if you don’t have
it: http://amzn.to/f49rmi
I was going to stop doing these covers, but recording covers of obscure ’60s tunes is a fantastic thing to do while procrastinating on doing some painting that I promised myself I would do!
The triumphant return of Bad Day at the Circus (i.e. Mary joins me) for a Vampire-Vineyards-wine-induced trainwreck version of Steve Miller’s 1982 classic “Abracadabra”!
For you crazy youngsters not familiar with this original tune, check it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fH850qp85Zk
It’s 104 Songs original #5 and song 21 overall…”Outsourced My Love”. The concept originated at a party this weekend…and it wasn’t 100% my idea…but I wrote the concept down in my phone and wrote this initial rough draft last night!
LYRICS BELOW THE VIDEO!
LYRICS
Outsourced my love life, logistics are tricky.
Not as satisfying, but quite a lot less sticky.
Trivandrum, India to Kiev, Ukraine.
It’s not as much fun, but it’s half the pain.
It’s not as much fun, but it’s half the pain.
I outsourced my love!
Outsourced my love life!
I outsourced my love!
Outsourced my love life!
Bangalore, Delhi, Chennai, Mumbai,
It really doesn’t matter that I am so shy.
Shanghai, Shenzhen, Guangzhou, Beijing
No guilt if it turns out to be just a fling.
There’s no guilt if it turns out to be just a fling.
I outsourced my love!
Outsourced my love life!
I outsourced my love!
Outsourced my love life!
This is not ideal, for a warm embrace,
And it’s really quite tough to just to get to first base.
At least I don’t have to break up face-to-face.
This is not ideal for a warm embrace,
And it’s really quite tough to just to get to first base.
(let alone home)(let alone home)(let alone home)(let alone home)
Outsourced my love life, logistics are tricky.
Not as satisfying, but quite a lot less sticky.
Trivandrum, India to Kiev, Ukraine.
It’s not as much fun, but it’s half the pain.
It’s not as much fun, but it’s half the pain.
I outsourced my love!
Outsourced my love life!
I outsourced my love!
Outsourced my love life!
So I walk into Starbucks on Monday and the damn red holiday cups are out already! I was dismayed that it was already time to be all bah humbuggy. So I decided to pull out a song that I wrote ten years ago for the next “104 Songs” cover (i.e. I won’t count this as a “104 Songs” original!).
LYRICS BELOW THE VIDEO!
LYRICS
Please baby, baby save me from this craze.
Booze me up, drug me up & leave me in a haze.
What I need right now is a great big buzz that stayeeeees.
Oh put me in a coma for the holi-holidayeeeeees.
Oh yes the weather outside is frightful.
And those shoppers are far from delightful.
And if those carolers come here, they’ll be met with a rifle.
Just put me in a coma, for the holi-holidayeeeeees.
Oh Santa Claus is not comin’ to town.
At least our chimney’s one that he ain’t comin’ down.
Let’s skip Christmas this year and have no concern,
Cause in just 12 months it’s gonna return.
Oh deck the halls with nothing because I will be numb,
On whiskey, vodka, beer, Coca-Cola and rum.
I’m gonna have a party, and not a soul can come.
Cause I’ll be in a coma, for the holi-holidayeeeeees.
Oh Santa Claus is not comin’ to town.
At least our chimney’s one that he ain’t comin’ down.
Let’s skip it this year and have no concern,
Cause in 12 damn months it’s gonna return.
Oh hush that stupid bell, cause I can’t spare a dime.
Cause I threw in a dollar when I passed you last time.
And I just spent the rest here on a case o’ Milwaukee’s Best beer-eeeeer.
I’m gonna induce a coma for the holi-holidayeeeeees.
Oh Santa Claus ain’t comin’ to town.
At least our chimney’s one that he ain’t comin’ down.
Let’s skip it this year and have no concern,
Cause in 12 damn months it’s gonna return.
Please baby, baby save me from this craze.
Booze me up, drug me up, leave me in a haze.
Please put me in a coma for the holidayeeeeees.
Oh put me in a coma…for the holi-holidayeeeeees.
In costume as Jack White, getting ready to go out for Halloween, performing “We Are Going to Be Friends” from White Blood Cells. Mary “Meg” wants me to let you know that she didn’t know I was recording & that she isn’t rude for busting in on me!
Happy Halloween!
“Now Mary” by the White Stripes from White Blood Cells.
I swear, this one is totally random… no reason for picking this one! 
I don’t even know anyone named Mary!
This may have been better with electric/distortion, but hey, um, well, I didn’t do that.
I think Mary and I are going to be Jack and Meg for Halloween by the way!
Here’s the fine video!…
Here are the words (that I didn’t write!) if you want ‘em:
Now, Mary
Can’t you find a way
To bring me down?
I’m so sorry
That I had to go
And let you down
Knowing you I think
Things are gonna be fine
But then again you’ll
Probably change your mind
I’m sorry, Mary, but
Being your mate
Means trying to find something
That you aren’t going to hate
What a season
To be beautiful
Without a reason
Knowing you I think
Things are gonna be fine
But then again you’ll
Probably change your mind
Mary
Can’t you find a way
To bring me down?
Doodle made by Rob Lambert of Jack and Meg White between testing cycles at work!
LYRICS BELOW THE VIDEO! I was paying at Starbucks and discovered a VIA in my wallet. I mentioned to the barista that my secret admirer must’ve put the present in my wallet (I’m pretty sure Mary put it there)… but it got me thinking that having ANY secret admirer is kind of fun & flattering (as long as they aren’t stalky and scary!) When I got home I wrote and recorded this little ditty in 10 minutes fulfilling my contractual obligation to myself for the week! When I work on this one further and make a nice version of it… I must add a “She may be a he” line, but I didn’t think of that until I posted the video!
Special guests Pablo with an audible Hampton shaking his collar and barking (asking me to take him on an overdue walk).
LYRICS
I love my secret admirer
She may be ugly,
She may be hot.
She might drink beer,
She may prefer pot.
She may be dangerous,
She may play it safe.
She may be large,
or maybe a waif.
She may be wise,
She may be clueless,
She may tell lies,
She may have lupus.
Either way,
I’d have to say
I love my secret admirer
I love my secret admirer
She may be cheerful,
She may be grumpy,
She may be stylin’
She may be frumpy.
She may be nice,
She may be rude,
She may be willing,
She may be a prude.
She may be unsightly,
she may be hot.
She may be large,
but maybe she’s not.
Either way,
I’d have to say
I love my secret admirer.
Donno what on earth inspired me to do this one, but this is “Unhappy Birthday” by the Smiths (from their final studio album Strangeways, Here We Come). Enjoy the super exciting guitar string break at the end! Hopefully Pablo (seen, out cold as always, just to the left of the guitar) didn’t hear the “kill my dog” line, and if he did, hope he knows it’s just a snarky song!
Here are the words if you want to sing along … my favorite line is “drink, drink, drink and be ill tonight!”
I’ve come to wish you an unhappy birthday
‘Cause you’re evil and you lie and if you should die
I may feel slightly sad (but I won’t …cry)Loved and lost and some may say
When usually it’s nothing surely you’re happy it should be this way?
I say “No, I’m gonna kill my dog”
And “May the lines sag, may the lines sag heavy and deep tonight”I’ve come to wish you an unhappy birthday
‘Cause you’re evil and you lie
And if you should die I may feel slightly sad (But I won’t cry)Loved and lost and some may say
When usually it’s nothing surely you’re happy
It should be this way?
I said “No” and then I shot myself
So, drink, drink, drink
And be ill tonightFrom the one you left behind
Behind
“Superman” by the Clique, most famously performed by R.E.M. This will end my Superman series as a trilogy … there are many more Superman songs, but three’s a nice number to stop on.
I’m sure you’re a little over-saturated with “104 Songs” with me putting out 3 songs in 2 days … rest easy, I’m going to give the recordings a rest for at least a week and work on polishing up some original tunes
Vinyl Records 
