Rob Lambert.com

Bulletproof Shoes

Absolutely absurd story about a man’s quest to find a pair of bulletproof shoes.

Listen here:

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Lyrics

Bulletproof Shoes

When I was a young lad I met
An old man singin’ the blues.
He said my only advice to my boy…
Is to get some bulletproof shoes.

I came of age I saved my dough,
Worked hard and paid my dues.
I went down to the cobbler on Main Street…
And asked for bulletproof shoes.

The cobbler scoffed and asked me if
I’d been sniffin’ glue.
(He said) “There ain’t such thing on God’s great earth…
As a pair of bulletproof shoes!”

I hung my head and walked on home,
My heart was badly bruised.
But on that day I promised myself…
I’d find a pair of bulletproof shoes.

I travelled the world over,
The lands of Buddists, Greeks and Jews.
But not a soul could help me find…
Find a pair of bulletproof shoes.

I felt a bit dejected,
I didn’t understand the news.
But I knew the only answer was…
Build my own bulletproof shoes.

So I got me some bulletproof vests,
After on the web reading reviews.
I gathered other materials and I…
Built my own bulletproof shoes.

The time came to test ‘em,
I knew that I couldn’t lose.
So I pulled out my sawed-off shotgun and I…
Fired down at my bulletproof shoes.

So now my problem is, my friend,
That my toes only come in twos.
Cause I did not build a good enough pair…
Pair of bulletproof shoes.